Obedience

Obedience.

That’s not a word we hear a lot of these days. It’s swathed in oppression, servitude, bondage. But if you look into its etymology it comes from the word audire – to listen, to hear.

How often have I cringed the minute I hear I have to do something a certain way? How many times have I talked myself in to or out of something, to exert my own will? How many times have I refused to listen to those who have set limits so that I don’t hurt myself or others? At times it’s been as simple as being too stubborn to wear proper clothing in bad weather. At other times I've tuned out my conscience and caved into curiosity and ended up hanging around with people that didn’t have my best interests at heart.

When I returned to the Church, I was obsessed with every rule, every precept, every commandment. I wanted to be told how to live my life so I would never be hurt again. If I was obedient then I might be assured a place in heaven. It might not be in one of the best rooms in my Father’s house and I might not be feasting with the Saints but I would happy enough in my corner nibbling on scraps. Thus, began a time of agonizing scrupulosity.

Eventually, I started dismantling my brick wall of so-called submission and compliance that was actually fear.  I started building a foundation of trust in Jesus and with Jesus. I started listening to him. In his Word, in good homilies, and in orthodox books, time and time again he showed me he was faithful, merciful, forgiving. It became easier to be truly obedient to him because I wanted to please him instead of myself. Am I always successful? No. Has it become easier to discern his voice? Yes.

 “Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”~ Jeremiah 33:3