Wounds and Scars

I had coffee with a friend the other day and somehow we started talking about scars from the past. I mentioned that Jesus still manifests the wounds from the nails and the spear on his body. I don’t think too many people give much thought to that. I couldn’t understand it myself for a long time until I read that it is a visible reminder of what Jesus did for us.

I often wish I could have selective amnesia so I would stop getting flashbacks. But then I remember the wounds of Jesus and a beautiful quote from Mother Angelica. She said, 

“Some of your pain will never go away. It will become our hidden cross, known to you and God alone. This is the cross of Jesus…Our lives are not some kind of spiritual endurance test designed to see how much punishment and humiliation we can take from the world in despair. But we do accept responsibility to radiate the love of Jesus to the world. And part of that responsibility calls us to accept whatever it is that comes our way with a loving detachment…Jesus’ act of forgiveness did not take away his pain. And your forgiveness will not take away yours.”

I almost want to say – then why bother forgiving?!

We often hear that we’ll never fully understand why most of the injustices we suffer have been permitted by God. We’re told that in the next life we will know why and even thank God for bringing good out of our suffering. No wonder St. Teresa of Avila told God that if this is how he treats his friends it’s no wonder he has so few of them.

In the Old Testament the prophet Habakkuk asked God how long he’d have to call him for help, help that never seemed to arrive when needed.

How long, Lord, must I call for help,
    but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
    but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
    Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?
Destruction and violence are before me;
    there is strife, and conflict abounds.

Habakkuk wants knowledge of good and evil. Ask Adam and Eve how that went for them…

Do I want knowledge of good and evil? Or am I going to forgive and bless my enemies and let God deal with them?

I think I have my answer. I think I actually just had a breakthrough!

Do You Know Him?

I read a most thought provoking quote the other day. K. Johnson wrote, “There’s a big difference between acting like Jesus is someone you know rather than a concept that you read about for behavioral principles. Or a crucifix wall decoration. “

When I returned to the Church, I wanted to know what all the “rules” were. I wanted to do things correctly and not stick out. I wanted to look serene and gracious, like the other “church ladies.” So, I read a lot of books on doctrine and dogma and observed those whom I felt were most devout. If I did have to stick out, which I dreaded, it would be because I was exceptionally holy or gifted (even I’m rolling my eyes at myself over that one!) I felt if the outside looked tranquil and pious then it would reflect the inside.

If you read that paragraph again you will see that not once did I mention Jesus, a relationship with him, his transforming love, or his healing power. That’s because I did not really know him, I only knew some things about him. I believed he was real but it was more on the level that you know a famous person is real. You could hear about them, admire them, even strive to be like them, but it was unlikely you’d ever actually come face to face with them.

So, I kept reading books about faith. I read the bible a bit but I found it somewhat confusing. I was really more interested in the letter of the law and how to apply it. I felt like if I didn’t make any more mistakes then I’d be what I thought Jesus wanted me to be – perfect.

Thankfully Jesus didn’t leave me in that state. Opportunities came to me for healing. Six years ago, I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and that’s when things really started to change in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I developed a love for scripture, I began to see how the letter of the law must be balanced with the spirit of it, but most of all I discovered Love.

Well, I didn’t so much discover love as I found out that I am loved. SO LOVED. By Jesus. Me!!! I almost couldn’t take it in. I had done so many stupid, senseless, even evil things. But Jesus said, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”

He did that on the Cross. This is why the crucifix isn’t just a wall decoration. That crucifix on your wall or on your necklace is every book of the bible, the entirety of salvation history, the enormity of Jesus’s love for you, summarized in one sign.

***

Lord, I thank you for my little insight into your boundless love. I thank you for the response in my own heart. I thank you for the love of others. Let my heart praise you, O God. Amen.

Still alive!

 I'm still alive. I am hoping to resume posting around Oct. 20.