"Let's start at the very beginning, A very good place to start," sings Maria in the Sound of Music. I'm sorry if I've just given you an ear worm for the next 3 weeks!
When I began to believe in God I only understood him as one entity. Even though he is one-in-three, the Trinity, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit - I only knew him as a sort of grandfather-like figure with a long gray beard, out there in the cosmos, running the show. In my 10 year old mind he was benevolent when it suited him, and punished us when we slipped up. Kind of like my own earthly father.
During the years since I returned to the Church I came to know Jesus and the Holy Spirit very well. But the God of my youth slipped farther and farther into the background. I felt puzzled that even though I knew him first, I now knew him least. I hoped that I could renew our relationship.
And indeed, Abba-Father has made himself known to me. That old man who ruled the universe with an iron fist, who whipped the rug out from under me at random moments...he didn't exist. That was me projecting my brokenness onto God. Again and again in the Old Testament I have read of the Father's care for us, his plans for us. Disaster strikes often in the OT but every time someone puts their trust in God, miracles happen, battles are won, crises are averted. God has also put a limit on evil by giving us his only Son to die for us.
In my search for the Father I came to realize he had always been there for me, inseparable from the Son and the Holy Spirit. In the the circle of relationship, where the Trinity gaze steadily upon each other, they abide in perfect kinship and in communication with each other, and they invite you to join them.
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