Hold Still

I wanted to write more about forgiveness today but I’ve had a hard day. I’ve been very busy suppressing all my emotions these last 6 months. In the beginning of the pandemic it was very hard because everything that I did, everything I was, was gone. I lost my job, my parish shut down, there was no more RCIA, I couldn’t see my friends, the opportunity to travel was taken away. But there is always someone that is worse off so you shut your mouth and carry on. Things began to open up after a few weeks so there was even more reason to stay quiet. I was also grateful to go to Mass again, see friends again.

Then today I was looking at a photography project from the UK called Hold Still. Looking through these 100 photos was like pulling a thread on a garment and watching the whole thing unravel. I started crying at the first photo and kept going until I reached 100. It was even worse when I clicked on the photos to read the back stories.

All that fear and anxiety that I had suppressed floated to the surface. I couldn’t stop crying. Finally, I had to go out to run some errands and visit a friend so I dried my eyes and off I went. But by the time I was making supper tonight that pressing sadness was back and I was crying into the potatoes.

It’s almost bed time now. The melancholy has lifted enough that I felt like posting something. I’m sorry this is so lame and self-pitying. I am hoping tomorrow is a better day.