Offering It Up

 Yesterday I was pretty down in the dumps. I am letting things get to me. My husband was working extra hours so he wasn’t home in the evening to listen to my prattle (aka venting). I have a real aversion to calling friends to talk about my emotions. However, if they call me…watch out! Once that tap gets turned on it’s hard to turn it off. One of the qualities I like least about myself is how much I love to talk and how easily I accept invitations to do so.

Then tonight a friend was looking for ideas for Lent. I considered not talking for 40 days – just joking! I wondered if I could get through the entire season by not complaining. That would be difficult and I’d probably fail (many) times but it is a reasonable goal.

But really, the point of Lenten fasting of all types (habits, pleasures, food, etc.) is to draw closer to God. Is giving up chocolate, which I do not eat every day, going to bring me closer to God? In the long run, probably not. If I choose to give up certain foods is it because I have gained some weight? I’m always hearing that Lent is not for dieting so that I can fit into my jeans. If I am giving up certain foods it should be because I have become dependent on them to fill something that's missing. At the same time, we are living through a very stressful time and if I choose a bowl of ice cream over a glass of alcohol maybe that’s the better choice. Or is it just the lesser of two evils? I think it all begs the question; why am I not praying when I feel these strong emotions?

Maybe God is allowing me to experience unpleasant things for two reasons. One is so that I learn to lean on him, not on food or other distractions. The other is that he is giving me an opportunity to offer up my discomfort, my sadness, my impatience.

I read a beautiful story today about a young nun who offered all the difficulties and pain in her life for one soul on earth that she asked God to choose. It was a remarkable and true story. I couldn’t do it justice by paraphrasing so you may read it HERE. 

Yesterday I had the opportunity to join my sufferings to the Cross and I wasted that chance. Tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and into Lent and beyond, I will try to be more mindful of this and channel my actions accordingly. It won’t always be easy; it’s not supposed to be. I won’t always remember. But I will try. I know God will give me grace. And I know he’ll cut me some slack. These are hard times and some days I will just need to cry. He knows when this happens and he remembers it. He knows that (most of the time) I am not crying with self-pity but because I miss Mass and my family and my friends. Those are all beautiful things that he blessed my life with. At the same time, after reading that story about the little nun I can’t help but be excited that something I can offer up can help another!