Weary

I am never wearier of Covid than on Sunday. That’s the day of the youtube Mass and the Communion drive through. I am almost at the point where I don’t want to do either anymore. It’s just another reminder that the world is upside down and we don’t know when it will ever right itself. It will, I know it will, I just don’t know when.

I wasn’t entirely heartbroken about losing my job 10 months ago. My friends and I figured out ways to meet to have prayer meetings and bible study. I didn’t even mind the 50 people maximum Masses. And as bad as youtube only Mass was, it seemed right that the only Communion there was, was a spiritual communion. We were all in the same boat except for Father (obviously!) and his secretary and his pastoral assistant, who needed Holy Communion more than anyone so they could come up with ways to keep the parish running.

This drive through Communion is hurting my heart and soul more than anything because I feel guilty that I don’t like it. I have friends who would walk on their knees through broken glass to be able to receive right now. For various reasons they are unable to go yet I can just hop in my car and be at the church in under 7 minutes. I feel guilty because so much effort has been put into managing traffic, finding volunteers to record our names in case contact tracing needs to be done, for Father, who is used to a tropical climate, standing outside in the cold for half an hour without gloves. All so we can receive the Precious Body and Blood of our Lord. Yet, I don’t like it. The drive though aspect just makes me feel that we are cheapening a holy experience a little bit. But more than anything it drives home the fact that times are not normal.

So, I keep watching Sunday Mass on youtube and keep driving to the church to receive Holy Communion. And I am grateful. But I don’t have to like it.