Empty Prayers

Eleven years ago, my son was deployed to Afghanistan. He wanted to be a soldier since he was 10 years old so none of this came as a surprise. He was well trained and is very intuitive so I knew he had done everything he could to prepare for his mission.

I’ve often had a sense if something will ultimately turn out or not but I was coming up blank about this situation. I felt hyper-aware and dead at the same time. Someone told me I would get through this because I was a person of faith but I told them that faith is not an anesthetic. I lay awake many nights wondering what my son was doing but trying not to count the days until he was home.  I would be positive one second and down the next. There was simply no middle ground.

In an effort to do something with all these turbulent feelings I started collecting holy cards of saints that had some connection to the military or the safety of soldiers. I planned to pray for their intercession every day. I made a list of all the prayers I would say each day for the 7 months my son was gone - the Rosary, the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and other devotions and litanies as well. I determined I would attend Mass as often as possible and be as attentive as possible. I think I lasted a week. It was simply too much to sustain under those stressful circumstances. If I prayed at all, the only prayer I could muster up was Lord, please keep my son safe.

Thankfully God knows us well so he sends his Spirit to help us. In Romans 8:26-27 St. Paul writes,

Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

So that was how I prayed for months, with sighs and groans too deep for words. Thankfully I also had the church community and other Christian friends praying. When I could not pray, they did.

These days are also stressful and we are also laying in wait for hidden enemies to show up.  There will be times we feel so depleted and distracted it will be hard to pray. Yet even under these extraordinary circumstances, we have continued to make time to be with our friends. If we can do that then let’s try to meet each day with Jesus at an appointed time and rejoice in our time together – just like we do with our other friends. 💗