You CAN Understand the Bible

The recent presidential inauguration (which I only bothered to watch days later on youtube) has me thinking about bibles. The president takes the oath of office with his hand on the bible. Often these bibles are family heirlooms, inches thick with sturdy covers. The only bible my family had was a vinyl bound one that was given out by the government when my parents became Canadian citizens. This was in 1974 and I am quite sure they don’t distribute them anymore. I think the only person that ever opened that bible was me. It sat on the bookshelf in the living room but as the years went by it migrated to the spare bedroom upstairs.  

When I was about 10, I began to realize God’s presence in my life. I really had no avenue for expressing this relationship. We didn’t go to church as a family, we didn’t pray, nothing really. But in those days, there was still a sense of Christianity in the culture even if it was only because it was important to your grandma and that stores were closed on Sunday. That’s how I knew that I could read about religion in the bible.

I’d go through these bouts of wanting to be good and holy and that’s when I would read the bible. I should say I would try to read the bible. I didn’t understand it wasn’t a chapter book like my beloved Laura Ingalls and her Little House books or my Nancy Drew mysteries. I would either start at Genesis and be left ashore as Noah set sail or I would start with the Gospel of Matthew and decide that I shouldn’t practice my piety before men which meant the bible would go back on the shelf.

When I came back to the church 18 years ago, I hadn’t progressed in my bible reading at all. It was like I was still 10 years old. I was more interested in reading apologetics than the actual bible so I could understand why the faith was “right.” I was terrified of backsliding into my previous life and habits so I worked very hard to learn the “rules” so I wouldn’t make any more mistakes and I’d be happy. Also I am always looking for the shortcut! It’s a good thing God meets us where we are, but as the saying goes, he loves us too much to leave us there.

Long story, very short, I went to a 9-day retreat in 2014 and was baptized in the Holy Spirit. When I returned home, I had suddenly developed a great thirst for scripture and began to read the Mass readings every day. Sometimes it was more of a surface skimming of them but I did it. There were lots of times I didn’t understand what I was reading but what was important was that I was making that connection to the Word. Who is the Word? Jesus is the Word.

I started taking bible studies at the parish and reading a bible with commentaries. I learned how numbers are used symbolically and that was huge because all of a sudden you start seeing significant patterns that point to God's truths everywhere. I'll have to go deeper into that in another post. For the first time in my life, I began reading the Old Testament and actually enjoying it.  When I began to see how Jesus is prefigured in so many OT figures it began to make more and more sense. Brandon Vogt writes that, 

“Jesus of Nazareth…stands at the centre of the Bible’s entire story. Everything before the Gospels points to Jesus; everything after reflects him.”

The Catechism Paragraph 108 states that,

“Still, the Christian faith is not a "religion of the book." Christianity is the religion of the "Word" of God, a word which is "not a written and mute word, but the Word which is incarnate and living". If the Scriptures are not to remain a dead letter, Christ, the eternal Word of the living God, must, through the Holy Spirit, "open [our] minds to understand the Scriptures."

I’ll close with a quote from Peter Kreeft and then you can grab your bible and start reading!

"When you read the bible, beware, it will do things to you. For when you read it, it is reading you. Its Author is reading you, from within."

Offering It Up

 Yesterday I was pretty down in the dumps. I am letting things get to me. My husband was working extra hours so he wasn’t home in the evening to listen to my prattle (aka venting). I have a real aversion to calling friends to talk about my emotions. However, if they call me…watch out! Once that tap gets turned on it’s hard to turn it off. One of the qualities I like least about myself is how much I love to talk and how easily I accept invitations to do so.

Then tonight a friend was looking for ideas for Lent. I considered not talking for 40 days – just joking! I wondered if I could get through the entire season by not complaining. That would be difficult and I’d probably fail (many) times but it is a reasonable goal.

But really, the point of Lenten fasting of all types (habits, pleasures, food, etc.) is to draw closer to God. Is giving up chocolate, which I do not eat every day, going to bring me closer to God? In the long run, probably not. If I choose to give up certain foods is it because I have gained some weight? I’m always hearing that Lent is not for dieting so that I can fit into my jeans. If I am giving up certain foods it should be because I have become dependent on them to fill something that's missing. At the same time, we are living through a very stressful time and if I choose a bowl of ice cream over a glass of alcohol maybe that’s the better choice. Or is it just the lesser of two evils? I think it all begs the question; why am I not praying when I feel these strong emotions?

Maybe God is allowing me to experience unpleasant things for two reasons. One is so that I learn to lean on him, not on food or other distractions. The other is that he is giving me an opportunity to offer up my discomfort, my sadness, my impatience.

I read a beautiful story today about a young nun who offered all the difficulties and pain in her life for one soul on earth that she asked God to choose. It was a remarkable and true story. I couldn’t do it justice by paraphrasing so you may read it HERE. 

Yesterday I had the opportunity to join my sufferings to the Cross and I wasted that chance. Tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and into Lent and beyond, I will try to be more mindful of this and channel my actions accordingly. It won’t always be easy; it’s not supposed to be. I won’t always remember. But I will try. I know God will give me grace. And I know he’ll cut me some slack. These are hard times and some days I will just need to cry. He knows when this happens and he remembers it. He knows that (most of the time) I am not crying with self-pity but because I miss Mass and my family and my friends. Those are all beautiful things that he blessed my life with. At the same time, after reading that story about the little nun I can’t help but be excited that something I can offer up can help another!

Love, Loss and Hope

I’ve been reading this book titled Loved as I Am: An Invitation to Conversion, Healing, and Freedom by Sr. Miriam James Heidland. This is probably the fourth time, maybe even the fifth time, that I’ve read this book or excerpts from it. I first came across it in 2014 after a retreat. Up until that time, all the books I read dealt with apologetics and upholding the letter of the law. After the retreat all I wanted to read and hear about was how much God loved me. I couldn’t get enough of that new revelation and Sr. Miriam’s book was the perfect remedy. And just so you know – she was no Goody Two-Shoes. She was an athlete and a party girl. She went through a lot to come to this understanding of how precious she is to God. Anyway, that’s not the point of this blog post. This post is supposed to be about Zoom!

So, I’ve been reading this book and in the second chapter Sr. Miriam writes about how much God loves humanity, so much so that he took on a body himself. That body worked, sweat, healed, loved and laughed. Amazing that God would do that!

And as I read that chapter, I thought about my weekly Zoom call with my bible study group. I think it’s safe to say we all look forward to it, to hearing each other’s voices, to exchanging ideas and affirming each other. But what is really hard to do on Zoom is to laugh. Not because we are a dour, sour bunch. Far from it! But when we laugh, we clog the audio. Nobody can hear anything.  So, to help prevent that I’ve been trying to laugh silently. That makes me profoundly sad because the whole point of laughing is the sound of it! It’s contagious! It makes you happy! It releases stress. And anyone that knows me pretty much equates me with laughter.

This terrible virus has stripped me of my job, my church, visiting my family and friends, and now my laughter. I’ll tell you honestly, just writing that has made two big fat tears run down my cheeks. I know other people have it way worse than I do. I could share stories about my family and the mental toll it’s taken. I seriously believe this virus is robbing people of the years they have on this earth from the stress of isolation. We are trying so hard to keep our bodies alive, which is right and good, but our minds and souls are dying instead.

I was having prayer time at church this past week. I asked Jesus if he would send me a word, a thought, something. I strained to hear him because I was so agitated. Finally, I heard the word hope. As in, don’t lose it. I do see some light at the end of the tunnel with the vaccine but a quote from Winston Churchill in 1942 reminds me, “Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” And that's got to be better than where we were 10 months ago!

Baptism in the Holy Spirit - Part I

A charismatic group that I follow was inviting people to send in their testimonies of Baptism in the Holy Spirit. Excitedly, I decided to submit my story to them. However, it could only be 2 or 3 paragraphs long, which they would edit so it could be posted on social media. How could I limit one of the defining moments of my life, whose effects continue to ripple through my encounters today, to such a short account? So, I wrote and edited, and wrote and edited some more, and tweaked and slashed until it was down to about 200 words. I hit ‘send’. The next day I was excited to find out that they had accepted my submission and would publish it, though I don’t know when that will be.

As much as it pained me to leave details out, I realized I could paint a more complete picture of this event right here on the blog. I could write a book if I wanted to! Because really, what happened wasn’t something that took place over the course of half an hour 6 years ago. It’s still happening today.

When I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit I was at a retreat, but there was a significant event that happened before that, where I was driven squarely into the presence of the Holy Spirit and I fought against Him.

A priest came to our parish to celebrate a healing Mass and pray over the attendees afterward. At that time, I was very wary of anything with the slightest whiff of charismatic worship connected to it. To me, this behaviour was driven by overactive emotions and was undignified and unbecoming. But I was curious about it and I mentioned it to my friend. She said she was going so I asked if I could join her. She agreed on the condition that I wasn’t going to gawk and scoff at what I thought of as more of a show than a religious event.

The Mass that evening was nothing out of the ordinary. Afterwards the priest invited the “catchers” to come forward. I thought, oh boy, here we go with the weirdness! Then the priest began the prayer time and one by one every single person he prayed over fell back into the waiting arms of the catchers and was placed gently on the floor. They would lay there for some time. I was really out of my element but still curious.

When it was my turn the priest prayed over me and I think he said something about receiving the Holy Spirit. I felt an inexplicable rippling go through my body. I had never felt anything like this before. It was not painful just really unfamiliar. I struggled to stay upright but the waves undulating through me made it a challenge to remain standing. The priest moved onto the next person and I was left standing there going, what just happened?! I looked for the friend that had accompanied me and there she was, on the floor, peacefully resting in the Spirit. I wasn’t angry with myself that I had resisted but I could clearly see I had wasted an opportunity to become closer to God.

Next time I’ll share how I finally did open up to the Spirit.

Lectio Divina

A priest friend of mine led an evening of Lectio Divina tonight. Lectio Divina (Latin for "Divine Reading") is “a traditional monastic practice of scriptural reading, meditation and prayer intended to promote communion with God and to increase the knowledge of God's word. In the view of one commentator, it does not treat scripture as texts to be studied, but as the living word.”

He read a passage of scripture several times. We were invited to post a comment with a word or thought that struck us. The verses read were from Mark where Jesus calls Simon Peter, Andrew, James and John. What stood out for me is that they immediately left their nets. Immediately.

I have a problem with immediately. As in – what immediately comes out of my mouth is usually wrong, bad, ill-timed, etc. But that’s following my own impulses and desires. How much better would immediately be if I followed God’s lead?

At the end of the exercise, we were invited to speak with Jesus and to listen to him. This is something I’ve done many times as I learned how to do it on a retreat. I am not saying I am always successful. Sometimes I’ve got too much personal static and interference going on. Tonight, was lovely though. When I asked Jesus to send me a word the Holy Spirit sent munificence. I didn’t even know what that meant so I had to look it up.

It means “the quality or action of being lavishly generous; great generosity.” To use it in a sentence one could say, "we must be thankful for his munificence."

Thank you, Lord, for your munificence. I will take everything that you lavish so generously on me and turn it back to You in praise and to show love and charity to others. Amen!

Weary

I am never wearier of Covid than on Sunday. That’s the day of the youtube Mass and the Communion drive through. I am almost at the point where I don’t want to do either anymore. It’s just another reminder that the world is upside down and we don’t know when it will ever right itself. It will, I know it will, I just don’t know when.

I wasn’t entirely heartbroken about losing my job 10 months ago. My friends and I figured out ways to meet to have prayer meetings and bible study. I didn’t even mind the 50 people maximum Masses. And as bad as youtube only Mass was, it seemed right that the only Communion there was, was a spiritual communion. We were all in the same boat except for Father (obviously!) and his secretary and his pastoral assistant, who needed Holy Communion more than anyone so they could come up with ways to keep the parish running.

This drive through Communion is hurting my heart and soul more than anything because I feel guilty that I don’t like it. I have friends who would walk on their knees through broken glass to be able to receive right now. For various reasons they are unable to go yet I can just hop in my car and be at the church in under 7 minutes. I feel guilty because so much effort has been put into managing traffic, finding volunteers to record our names in case contact tracing needs to be done, for Father, who is used to a tropical climate, standing outside in the cold for half an hour without gloves. All so we can receive the Precious Body and Blood of our Lord. Yet, I don’t like it. The drive though aspect just makes me feel that we are cheapening a holy experience a little bit. But more than anything it drives home the fact that times are not normal.

So, I keep watching Sunday Mass on youtube and keep driving to the church to receive Holy Communion. And I am grateful. But I don’t have to like it.

The Secret

Today’s Gospel (Mark 1:40-45) has always confused me. Why would Jesus tell the leper not to tell anyone he was made well? I pulled out my bible commentary to figure it out.

Jesus wanted to avoid a dramatic reputation, which often devolves into a lurid one, of being nothing more than a wonderworker. How often are miracles disconnected from his call to repentance. Everyone wants a miracle; nobody wants to change. I often have friends ask me to pray for healing or the resolution of some crisis but that’s where it begins and ends for them. God is nothing more than a vending machine dispensing favors.

He wanted to avoid the expectation that the Messiah would be a political and military leader. Jesus isn’t about temporary politics; he is about an eternal relationship.

Jesus didn’t want to stir up the fury of his enemies before the appointed time. While Jesus didn’t hesitate to call people on their behavior, he also knew timing was crucial. Anger people too quickly and you won’t be able to deliver the message.

The “messianic secret” is an important theme in the Gospel of Mark. As we progress through this liturgical year it will be interesting to see where he employs this method next.

Straining at the Oars

When evening came, the boat was out on the sea, and Jesus was alone on the land. When he saw that they were straining at the oars against an adverse wind, he came towards them early in the morning walking on the sea. He intended to pass them by. But when they saw him walking on the sea, they thought it was a ghost and cried out; for they all saw him and were terrified. But immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid. “Then Jesus got into the boat with them and the wind ceased.  ~ Mark 6:47-51

Friends, how often have you been in that boat, straining at the oars against an adverse wind? Why do we resist? Do we think we know better than God? Does our fear keep us living at the surface, never giving trust a chance to build?

I remember when I was about 8 years old, swimming in the salty ocean water of an island cove. In April. It was freezing! But that wasn’t the worst part. I feared I would drown. I had a life jacket on, I knew how to swim, the water was calm, and we were being supervised. Yes, everyone thought my friend and I were crazy to do this but that’s not the point. The point was that I did not trust my life jacket, the thing designed to specifically keep me afloat. It took every ounce of courage I had to let go of the dock and swim out a few strokes. Even though I was a good swimmer with safety gear on, I looked like a thrashing dog because of my terror. Within minutes my friend and I returned to dry land.

When I was 10 another friend and I took out a dinghy at the lake we were staying at. I sat passively while he rowed furiously. We went around in circles until we realized we would continue to be restrained until we untied our craft.

That was the kid version of straining at the oars. How strenuously do you force yourself to resist trust now, to resist true freedom now?

The paradox of trusting Jesus is that to be free you have to submit. Submit your pride, submit your expectations, submit your will. God may let your pride be hurt and your expectations be dashed, but he will never, ever force your will. Even if it means you will bear the natural consequences of your actions, even if you sin, even if you face death.

I have sort of wondered at times if he trusts us too much when he knows how untrustworthy we can be. I wonder if he’s given us too much freedom in regard to our wills. But legislated love isn’t love at all. And the more I come to know him, to fathom how much he loves me, the more I want to do his will. Its not always easy, even when things are going well. But it’s always better than straining at the oars.

Mary and Joseph's Unusual Marriage

My prayer group is studying Fr. Donald Calloway’s book “Consecration to St. Joseph.” This week we read a quote by St. Lawrence of Brindisi that gives us some insight into Mary and Joseph’s marriage. The quote was used in a different context, to offer a response to the question of who is greater, St. Joseph or St. John the Baptist. However, it does contain this little nugget:

…for just as husband and wife are one flesh, so too Joseph and Mary were one heart, one soul, one spirit.

But Joseph and Mary were not one flesh.

They had what is termed a Josephite marriage. Such a marriage means both parties agree to abstain from sex by a free mutual decision, rather than resulting from impotence or the views of one party.

The parents of St. Therese of Lisieux entered into such a union, but after one year their spiritual advisor directed them to consummate the marriage, which resulted in the birth of nine children, five of whom survived to adulthood.

The first time I heard the term Josephite marriage was when I was trying to understand Mary’s perpetual virginity and the concepts of continence, chastity, and celibacy. Also, even though the Protoevangelium of James was condemned and rejected by Church authorities, it does help us to comprehend the circumstances around Mary’s upbringing and unusual marriage to Joseph. You may read it HERE. 

Chaplet Meditations for the Sick

On the 4^th and 5^th, I wrote reflections for praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet for self examination and for the dying. Today I have written them for the sick.

When I consider the lacerations made by the crown of thorns, I recognize how illness can wear us down. Not only physically but mentally. We can easily become despondent, even wishing for a hastened death.  I pray for the gift of hope.

I consider his torn right hand, used to lay his hands on the sick and heal them. I pray for the gift of his blessing and restoration.

I venerate the wound in his pierced left hand, reflecting on the need to set things right, not because death may be imminent – it’s always imminent - but because it’s the new commandment, to love God and our neighbour. I pray for the grace to forgive.

While meditating on the holes in his feet, I think of those who have walked away from Jesus. I pray for the grace of conversion and reconciliation.

And finally, I look to where the spear penetrated his side, where Blood and Water poured out from his Sacred Heart. May the sick be covered, filled, and made clean by that outpouring of love and mercy.

Go to Joseph

Ite ad Joseph

Chaplet Meditations for the Dying

Yesterday I contemplated the wounds of Jesus crucified as they related to my sins. Today I offer some reflections and prayers to help the dying, especially those who are unprepared spiritually, to make peace with God and their neighbour.

When I consider the lacerations in his head from the crown of thorns, I think of the looping thoughts of someone who is dying in torment from fear of the unknown, perhaps dreading eternal punishment or pretending to ignore it. I pray that Jesus makes his merciful presence known to them. I think of those continually replaying hurtful events and holding grudges. I pray these people receive the grace to forgive.

His pierced right hand reminds me that so many have been abused and violated. I pray for those that meted out the abuse and violence, that they will experience sorrow for their sins before they die and try to make amends. For those they hurt, who fear that forgiveness is condoning the actions of others and feeling they are unable to offer that forgiveness, I pray they will let thoughts of revenge go and let God deal with the offender in his way.

The deep wound in Jesus’ left hand helps me think of those that acted with indifference and intolerance towards others, that abandoned their families or duties, or considered their sins of omission as less grievous than sins of commission. I pray their hearts will be softened and opened by the love of Jesus.

While meditating on the holes in his feet I pray for those far away from God, that are resistant to opening their hearts. I pray they realize Jesus is not chasing them away but walking towards them, meeting them where they are, showing them his heart and knowing their hurts.

And finally, I gaze at the bloody gash in the side of Jesus. I hope that as his redeeming blood washes over the dying that they realize they are able to hide in this wound. Even though I believe his heart beats for me, even I am a little bit scared. If I am scared, then Lord, help me try to understand those that fear you, so I may not dismiss their fears but show them your love and your mercy.

Contemplate His Wounds

I’ll be honest – sometimes I prefer praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet over the Rosary. Why? Because I think it takes all of 7 minutes if you don’t add the closing prayer (Eternal God in whom mercy is endless…) and the prayer for Divine Mercy (Diary of St. Faustina 1570). I do add those prayers though, especially the latter, because it’s so beautiful. I love the imagery of the merciful Heart of Jesus being like an open gate.

One thing that has always puzzled me is that there are no specific meditations for the chaplet like there are for the rosary. Is it because it’s so short? Is it because it is less well known? I did come across a pamphlet a number of years ago with reflections on the Lord’s Passion, which I have found helpful. It has us consider not only the painful physical aspect of crucifixion, but the meaning that the particular wounds convey.

When I consider the lacerations in his head from the crown of thorns, my conscience is pricked regarding my thought life and how critical and judgmental I can be. 

His pierced right hand helps me reflect on how I’ve struck out in anger, not physically, but mentally. 

The deep wound in Jesus’ left hand reminds me of how insensitive or indifferent I can be, and how someone may now have to work to forgive me for my dismissal of them. 

While meditating on the holes in his feet I repent not only for all the years I walked (ran!) away from him, but how I can still recoil when he asks me to do something for him. 

And finally, I gaze on the bloody tear in his side, from where the spear went clear into his heart, baptizing me in a cascade of his Blood and Water, his love and mercy.

That's a lot to ponder in 7 minutes. I can see I'm going to need to take more time with this prayer. I'm also going to pray about how I can meditate on the wounds of Jesus crucified to help the dying, especially those who are unprepared spiritually, to make peace with God and their neighbour.

St. Joseph the Stalwart

 A week has flown by since I last posted. I can't say I've been busy because there is nowhere to go, nobody I can see, nothing except housework, reading, and updating facebook. I will try to post more this coming week. Hubby goes back to work Tuesday and I'll have more time during the day to write.

On the morning of January 1st I renewed my Consecration to Mary. I used a different book to prepare this time. It was an interesting book, but I prefer Fr. Gaitley's method which I wrote about HERE. 

Also, on the afternoon of the 1st, my prayer group and I began a another preparation, this time for consecration to St. Joseph. The book we are using was written by Fr. Gaitley's confrere, Fr. Donald Calloway, MIC. I have always held St. Joseph in great esteem but in only 3 days I've learned more about "Papa Joe" than I learned in my whole life prior to this prep. He is amazing.

I think St. Joseph will be a good patron this year. He is silent, trustworthy, and stalwart. I know I could benefit from an increase in those qualities and virtues.