Reflections

I tried to keep a sober Advent. It’s not a penitential season such as Lent but it’s certainly countercultural to keep things low key. In some ways the dratted virus has helped as we are not allowed to go to parties or gatherings. For the first time ever, I’ve burned every single Advent candle until the last drop of wax has evaporated. That’s a lot of praying. At the same time, we do not live off the grid and I swear every show on the cooking channels has featured Christmas baking since the day after Halloween. I am done with red and green, and chocolate as the fifth food group.

Now we are on Day 4 of the Christmas season. The fridge needs reorganization, the garbage is almost overflowing in the outside bin, the flowers are wilting, the Christmas lights seem faded. I am finding cookie crumbs everywhere and I cannot stomach the sight of any more baked goods. My husband wants steak and potatoes for dinner, I want to let my stomach feel hunger pangs for the first time in days. I am trying to continue to feel Christmas Joy but what I really want is a night of sleep that is uninterrupted by a yet another dosing of antacids at 3:00 am. Yet we are supposed to feast during the Octave, these 8 days of Christmas.

I have always found the 4 days between Boxing Day and New Years Eve to be confusing, mixed up, devoid of proper schedules and meals. It’s like time is a waiting room in a hospital. We are waiting for the death of the old year – which cannot come soon enough this particular year – and the birth of the new one. It is a good time to reflect and to plan. Except that nobody will ever look back on this “annus horribilis with undiluted pleasure” to paraphrase our monarch from a speech she gave in 1992 when 3 of her children split from their spouses and her favorite home/castle sustained extensive fire damage. It will be difficult to plan for 2021 as well, as we are going “into the unknown”, to quote my granddaughter’s favorite princess.

To prepare for the upcoming year I will take a page, a question really, out of the Baltimore Catechism. Question #2 asks,” why did God make you? God made me to know him, to love him, and to serve him in this world, and to be happy with him forever in the next.” How that transpires in 2021 will be anybody’s guess but if I put my trust in God, I can be as sure as Julian of Norwich when she promised, “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”

José y Maria

 I just came across this image today. It's a modern day take on Joseph and Mary, on their way to Bethlehem. At first I was repulsed. Then I was ashamed. Then I started thinking, that's probably the same reaction Mary and Joseph received 2000 years ago - rejection. 

I've always loved the "air brushed" (or should I say white washed?) manger scene, it's so cute with the furry animals and the little baby. You get older and you realize how smelly and dirty the stable was. You learn how the Cross overshadowed the Crib. But I always felt sentimental about it. This picture turned that feeling inside out. This was God's Christmas gift to me this year. 

Read more about this image HERE.

The First Christmas Eve

Darkness is falling quickly and the stars begin to peep out of the blue-black velvet sky. The city is noisy and full of people. I am employed at an inn and we are bursting at the seams because Caesar Augustus has decreed a census. We’ve got people sleeping in the food preparation area, camped in the courtyard, and doubled up in private rooms. Even the traveler’s animals are tightly packed into the stable. I send out the servant boy to put extra hay in the manger so the animals will rest quietly with full stomachs.

It’s late and there’s a knock at the door. The innkeeper answers it. There is a couple looking for a place to rest for the night and they tell him he is their last hope. The innkeeper regretfully says we are full. But as I pass by the doorway on my way to look for the servant boy who is taking his time, I see that the young woman, a girl really, is fairly bursting with child, her coarse dress straining across her belly. If she doesn’t find a place to rest, I’m afraid she’ll have the baby right there in the entrance.

The innkeeper and I exchange looks and he motions his head towards the back, where the stables are. I nod at the couple and ask them to come with me. They smile shyly and follow me. The young woman gratefully settles on the dirt floor next to the pen that holds the lambs.

I feel terrible they are in the stable but there’s nothing else I can do. I would offer them my room but I am already sharing with a number of servant girls, some of them strangers. The young woman’s husband would not be allowed in there and she needs him close by.

In the middle of the night, I am woken by a brilliant light and the sound of otherworldly singing. I grab my wrap but forget my sandals, as I run outside to see what is causing the commotion. I see shepherds heading toward the stables. I am confused because they should be out in the fields. Concerned about the young woman, I follow the shepherds. And there, laying in the manger, is the most beautiful, radiant baby I have ever seen.

He is sleeping peacefully, under the tender gaze of his young mother, her smooth hand curved around his little head. The new father stands watch over the baby and his mother as the shepherds kneel speechless in adoration. I too drop to my knees, heedless of the aroma of animals and unwashed shepherds in such close quarters. For He is here! Our Saviour is HERE!

Who Are You?

I was watching a hysterical video yesterday of a children’s Christmas program. There was a choir of kids singing and also a group of preschoolers who were recreating the manger scene of the first Christmas. All was going well until one of the “sheep” decided she wanted to take “Baby Jesus” (a doll) out of the manger to play with him. Well, “Mother Mary” was having none of that. Hilarity ensued and I think she finally retrieved her baby by putting the sheep in what looked to be a head lock!

But it got me thinking, who am I in the Nativity scene?

Am I the beast of burden, bringing Christ to his birth place in people’s hearts? Am I a king, bearing gifts for him? Or am I the innkeeper who has no room for him? What about the smelly sheep? An angelic messenger announcing his arrival? A simple shepherd, who despite my lack of knowledge, still shares good news with others about Jesus? Am I silent Joseph, quietly trusting that God will bring great good out of a situation that I don’t understand? Or obedient Mary, letting his will be done in me and being permeated by the Holy Spirit. Or maybe I am even the star, guiding others to the perfect Light.

Who are you in in that wondrous stable?

Who Helps You?

My friend and I are working through a little book of Advent Gospel reflections this season. Each day features the Gospel, a reflection on it, and a thought provoking question. Here is today's:

In his wisdom and power, God arranged for certain people to aid in the mission of his Son (e.g., the birth of John the Baptist from a barren mother and the sinlessness of Jesus' mother, Mary). Who has God put in your life to help you fulfill the mission he has entrusted to you?

I thought of the priest who walked with me through my decree of nullity and who patiently answered my many emails with all sorts of questions about the faith. He helped me correct my situation so I could receive the Sacraments again.

The long time friend whose bible knowledge is brought to life by the engaging way she weaves the events and people together, speaking about those people as if she just had coffee with them this morning. She helps me to see the bible isn't words on a page but a living document, a love letter from God.

The lady who gave me a book that changed the way I understood the Real Presence in the Eucharist and how it was rooted in Passover from the Book of Exodus. 

The two leaders from the healing retreat that were my spiritual midwives and helped bring me back to life. 

The friend who leads our apostolate with me. She shows me how to let the Spirit lead and that it's not all about the letter of the law.

The family member that sent me a 15 year Mass card when my mom died when I was so very far away from the Church. Eventually I followed that gossamer thread to a Lenten mission that led to an explosion of graces. 

The friend whose example makes me pay attention to what is coming out of my mouth. 

The Latin Mass which reminded me that newcomers are confused when they first go to Mass, even the Novus Ordo. They need a friend to accompany them.

The lady that prayed over me at the pilgrimage. That set events into motion that reached clear across the country and brought healing, or at least a deeper awareness, into many lives.

The young Christian woman who was suspicious of the Blessed Mother and who told me to never send her any Catholic material of any kind. In spite of that she continued to phone me and ask me questions about the Catholic faith until she realized it was exactly where she belonged and she loved Mary. 

Every person that ever spoke to me while I was praying at 40 Days for Life, whether they agreed with me, and maybe especially when they didn't.

Oh goodness, I could go on and on. I have been so blessed by so many people that have crossed my path. And I can't leave out my poor long-suffering husband who spends every Tuesday (well, until the virus arrived) washing the dinner dishes so I can go to Mass and RCIA. 

How to Pray

A few days ago it was the Memorial of St. John of the Cross. I read an excellent article about how one can pray as an intercessor according to insights he received.

1. Believe that God knows what is best for us, better than we do.

2. To see our needs and the needs of others, and to prayerfully hold those needs before God. Let us name these needs but simply indicate the lack and leave the rest to Jesus. Read the Wedding Feast at Cana in John 2:1-11 for a perfect example. All Mary says is, they have no wine (indicate the lack) and, do whatever he tells you (leave the rest to Jesus.) 

3. Patiently wait with Mary for God to act on his terms, and in his time, in a way that all the glory belongs to Him and leads us to joyful praise. 

If you want to read the original, and much more eloquent article, you may find it HERE.

The Convent - Part 1

I watched this 4 part series a few years ago. Be prepared for some poor behaviour and language from the retreatants. Overall it's very interesting and reminded me of some of my own retreats, though none of them have been 40 days long!

The Convent 2006 Part 1 of 4 - YouTube

Do You Struggle With the Rosary?

As I write this post, I have just completed praying the rosary 30 days in a row. I can scarcely believe it. I’ve been on retreats and pilgrimages where we prayed the rosary every day but I think I clocked in at 14 days at most and not by my own volition. The minute the event was over, the beads went back in their pouch, forgotten until the next crisis or spurt of holiness.

Truthfully, I find the rosary a struggle at times. The repetition of the prayers can make me fall asleep, daydream, or start to mindlessly skip chunks of the prayers. Sometimes all of the above. Yet the repetition is what soothes me when I am in a panic, or feeling sad, confused or angry. It gives me words when I have none. Ultimately, the combination of the rhythm, the words, and leaning into God, untangles my brain and relaxes me, a state of life that usually eludes me. Hmm...so I guess the rosary really isn't a struggle at all, at least not how I thought it was.

In 16 days, my preparation to renew my consecration to Mary will be over. Will I continue to pray the rosary every day? I’ve heard it said that it takes 21 days to form a habit. By the end of December, I will have doubled that and more. If I don’t pray it every day then I hope I will at least I pray it more often. I think I’ve conquered two hurdles this past month though. I’ve learned that it is possible to pray it every day and that I don’t have to be afraid I’m going to fail. The only bad rosary is the one I didn’t pray.

Holy Fire

 Today we pray the Glorious Mysteries of the Holy Rosary. I wonder if Mary felt the same way on the day of Pentecost, when she and the Apostles were filled with the Holy Spirit, as she did at the Annunciation, when she was overshadowed by Him.

I have been baptized in the Holy Spirit and it was an astonishing experience. Your life is never the same after that. You know to the inner core of your very being, and to the outer reaches of your soul, that you are profoundly and intensely loved by God.

I remember when this happened, I felt like there was a little glowing seed next to my heart. I felt like it was a secret but everyone could perceive it. I have a photo of myself from that time and you can see the peace, joy, and serenity radiating from my face.

If I, a sinful human being, could feel such tranquility while resting in His goodness, then how much more would the sinless Blessed Mother experience when the Holy Spirit filled her? It’s really beyond description.

The Descent of the Holy Spirit, whose fruit is Love, is certainly one of my favorite mysteries to ponder. May you also be caught up in His Holy Fire today.

La Morenita and a Joyful Mystery

Friends, today is the great feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. In Mexico she is affectionately known as La Morenita, the dark one. I always think it is fascinating that when Mary shows up, she looks familiar to those she is appearing to. It also seems appropriate that today we pray the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary because in the first two mysteries Mary is pregnant, which reflects her condition when she appeared as Our Lady of Guadalupe. 

At the Annunciation many things happen. I love using the Ignatian method of imagining ourselves in the scene to see what happens.

***

I imagine I am at Mary’s home. I walk over to the doorway leading to the back of the house. The opening has a curtain over it. It is a coarse homely cloth. I draw the curtain aside to go through but I stop because I hear an otherworldly voice. It’s like music. You can almost see it shimmering in the air.  The voice says, “Hail, full of grace, the Lord is with you.” I look at young Mary and I don’t see fear but she is clearly in awe and her eyes are open very wide.

She doesn’t reply immediately but she is pondering what this greeting might mean. Her smooth olive brow has a little furrow in it. The being says, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favour with God. And behold you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus.”

I am so shocked I let the curtain fall shut, but I clearly hear Mary respond, “Behold I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be done to me according to your word.”

A sudden breeze makes the curtain flutter open. The other being is gone. Mary slowly rises from her seat, smooths her dress over her belly, letting her hands rest there for a moment.  Nothing will ever be the same again.

Light of the World

 I struggled to write a post this evening. My friend sent me a beautiful quote I wanted to unpack but alas, it was not to be. So I give you this instead, Holman Hunt's painting 'Light of the World.' It seems so timely on so many levels. There is also a 'surprise' or a little mystery to solve in this painting. Can you see it? 

A Few of My Favorite Things

I’m out of ideas at this moment so I’m just going to make some recommendations. A timely book that crossed my path the other day is titled Finding Christ; What the Pandemic Can Teach Us by Fr. Harrison Ayre and Michael Heinlein. At only 104 pages it should be a quick read, though it looks substantial. I can only find it on Kindle and it’s a paltry $2.35 – less than a latte and with more sustenance!

I’m also going to put in a plug for Rushing River Apiaries, a local business that sells the most fantastic candles. I was yearning for a new set of Advent candles as I had given mine away and as of Dec. 9, they are now stocking them in their online store. They aren’t cheap but they are 100% beeswax, look beautiful and smell divine! Even if you purchase them now and don’t use them right away you will be ready for next Advent!

If you are looking to pray the Rosary and ponder some Advent reflections, Fr. Terry from Annunciation Parish is hosting an online event from Wednesday to Saturday at 8:00 pm Pacific. He is at Annunciation church PR on Facebook.

For anyone who is interested in making a consecration to the Blessed Mother or St. Joseph, I highly recommend Mary’s Mantle Consecration; A Spiritual Retreat for Heaven’s Help and Consecration to St. Joseph: The Wonders of Our Spiritual Father. Mary’s Mantle is available through Queen of Peace Media and St. Joseph through the Marians of the Immaculate Conception, as well as that online bookseller that starts with the letter “A”.

And last, but not least, if you are looking for something seasonal to watch, The Chosen’s Christmas special is engaging and appropriate for all ages. 

 

Where To Pray Now?

Our church is closed. Mass is being prayed but the public cannot attend. All the beautiful events that were planned for Advent and Christmas are now shuttered. No Adoration, no rosary, nothing on Sunday except watching Father on youtube. It is profoundly sad. I even thought of writing the bishop to beg him to open the church for limited numbers of individuals to pray in assigned and sanitized seats.

Then I read a letter from a woman to her local Catholic paper. She reminded readers that when a bishop was once asked, years ago, by parishioners, where to pray when the church was closed, he replied, in the street. That is where I am taking my prayers.

When I go on my daily mental health walks, I will try to go past the hospital and if I am not already praying the rosary then I will say an Our Father, 3 Hail Marys, and a Glory Be. I will pray for the sick in ICU, their caregivers, and their families.

When I am in town at the grocery store, I will pray for all the people wandering the streets that are either drugged up, drunk, looking for a fight, or just plain lonely. There are so many now. I have lived here over 30 years and there have never been so many souls in need. When I smile at them that is also a prayer.

When I look across the street at dusk and see my neighbour’s colorful Christmas lights, I will say a prayer of thanksgiving for living in a safe neighbourhood, for the roof over my head, for the gift of sight, and for my neighbour who has given me some joy in this strange season.

When I am on a video chat with my neighbour down the street, whom I can no longer visit in person, I will be grateful that technology can be used for good. I will pray in thanksgiving that we are both getting the social interaction we need.  

And for those that cannot get out to the street, where will they pray? The Holy Father tells us that, “St. Joseph reminds us, that those who appear hidden or in the shadows can play an incomparable role in the history of salvation.” He also says, “each of us can discover in St. Joseph – the man who goes unnoticed, a daily, discreet and hidden presence – an intercessor, a support and a guide in times of trouble.”

Looks like we have our work cut out for us!

The Year of St. Joseph Begins Today!

Sometimes Pope Francis has me scratching my head with the things he allegedly says. I do realize that he is often misinterpreted, misquoted, mistranslated, etc. but TODAY! Oh! What a beautiful gift he has given us by proclaiming the Year of St. Joseph! And it starts today!

I was speaking with a friend earlier and we were sharing stories like the one I wrote about St. Joseph and my manger scene. She told me a beautiful story about her Advent wreath and St. Joseph. So you can imagine our delight when we heard the news that St. Joseph will be travelling along with us for what’s left of 2020 and through most of 2021.

The prayer group we belong to, which we’ve christened Our Lady’s Prayer Bubble, which meets at the Rosary Ranch (my friend’s yard when the weather is good), has been led by Mary since Good Friday this past April. Now Mary has invited her earthly spouse to join us on our journey, on this wonderful Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception. What a gift!

St. Joseph, Terror of Demons, Pray for us!

Away From the Manger

I’ve never been very big on Christmas. We didn’t put up a lot of decorations and the tree didn’t go up until the Saturday before Christmas Eve. We didn’t go to church so the only real lead up to the big day were activities at school such as making ornaments and practicing with the choir for the annual concert. We also sang Christmas hymns and carols at school, something I’m quite certain that’s not done anymore. Christmas Day was quiet as only my uncle and aunt would come for dinner as the rest of the family lived overseas. We’d have turkey and I’d call my friends to compare gifts and that was it until the following year.

When I was 11 years old my best friend would take me to church with her. I didn’t have a lot of questions about Christmas because in those days there were seasonal TV shows like The Little Drummer Boy and A Charlie Brown Christmas that told the story of Jesus’ birth. Christmas was less of a mystery than Easter was.

When I was 18, I was living far away from home and it was my first Christmas away from my family. I was lonely and at loose ends but I befriended a woman who let me help out in her pottery studio. She had a ton of molds and we poured a lot of clay to make greenware. People would buy pieces to decorate and the owner would fire them in the kiln.

I had always been fascinated with nativity scenes and there was a 15-piece set of molds at the shop that caught my eye. I decided I would like my own set so I poured all the pieces and glazed them myself. I had been working on them throughout December and they were finally ready to take home on Christmas Eve! I’ve put that same set out for 39 Christmases now and not one piece has broken.

A few years later I was in the local mall when I noticed a nativity scene in a shop window. It was ceramic, exactly the same as mine, but all glazed in white. It was then that I realized I was missing St. Joseph! I had mistaken one of the shepherds for him. I was crestfallen. There was no way I could ever manufacture a new Joseph! The potter had long since moved away and this was in the days before the tentacles of social media reached around the earth. Mr. Shepherd was going to have to continue to do double duty and protect his sheep as well as Mary and the Christ Child.

Then a few days ago I was noodling around on the internet searching for images of gingerbread nativity scenes and “what to my wondering eyes should appear” but a candy mold that matched my ceramic creche figures! I ordered it immediately so that finally, I will be able to have a proper St. Joseph to watch over the manger. Mind you, he’ll have to be made of chocolate but since the set is brown, I don’t think this will be too noticeable. He will have to be recreated every year as I doubt the chocolate will stand the test of time but maybe there’s some sort of spiritual lesson there. Yes, the figure will be perishable and won’t quite match the Mother and Child, but he will still belong with them. Yes, very much like ourselves.

My Rosary Story

The first time I prayed the rosary was sometime in the Spring of 2003. I had returned to the Church only a few months before and I was only acquainted with two or three people there and I didn’t know them well enough to ask them to teach me how to pray it. So, I learned how to pray the rosary online. There were many websites with diagrams and the basic prayers, most of which I already knew.

I had two sets of rosary beads. One was a set that my eldest son received when he made his First Holy Communion. They were very long and the chain was very light, almost flimsy, so they were a bit unwieldy for a novice to manage. The other beads were a tiny white plastic set. I literally had to look at each bead as I prayed or I got hopelessly lost. So, armed with my tiny beads and my computer I prayed my first Rosary. It felt very Catholic to me and I liked it.

As I searched different websites I began to see that the rosary was not a prayer reserved for little old Portuguese ladies in black veils (at that time my parish had quite a few of those.) Lots of people, including young ones like me (I was 38 at the time) also prayed it.

I prayed the rosary a few more times. I’d get the order of the mysteries mixed up but I wasn’t too worried about that. As long as I covered all five mysteries for that day that was enough. God wasn’t keeping score.

One afternoon I felt the urge to pray the rosary but realized I had already prayed it in the morning. I didn’t know you could pray it multiple times a day!

The first time I heard the rosary prayed in a group was right after St. Pope John Paul II died. We had a prayer service and I was captivated by all the voices praying in unison. Many people were also on their knees. It was a beautiful and holy experience.

Around that time, aside from a few special occasions, the rosary was only prayed in a group on Tuesday night after Mass. Sometimes I would stay for it and I longed to lead a decade but different people would lead and it seemed each one had “their” mystery and there was to be no deviation from the “schedule.”

In recent years the rosary became a daily occurrence, either before or after most Masses. Finally, I was given the opportunity to lead a decade once in a while. At first it was nerve wracking but as I became more comfortable it became easier. There were even times when I was allowed to lead the entire thing.

In the last 23 days I have prayed the rosary every day as part of preparation to renew my consecration to Mary. Twenty-three more days to go! Using a form of Ignatian spirituality I have received new insights into the mysteries these last few weeks and I may share some of these ideas this month. 

The rosary is such a simple set of prayers yet it is so profound. It illuminates the life of Jesus but also demonstrates how intrinsic Mary is to the plan of our salvation.

If it’s been a while since you “called your mother” I invite you to pick up your beads right now and speak and pray with Mama Mary today. She’ll be so happy to hear your voice.